My Luscious Eyelash Drew a Willy On The Fourth Wall

True Story.

Yesterday, I found myself at a make-out party. I felt sixteen, only less awkward and more handsome. Today it struck me that a football stadium would be a great setting for a zombie film. We've already got a crowd of shambling monsters, and some cops on hand. They could be ordered to 'contain' the infection, which spreads around the fans. The internal bits of a stadium are suitably dingy and laberynthine. It's just too perfect. We'd call it Match of the Dead and have Gary Linekar play the lead.

Anyway, three of my friends have challenged me to write an article about the following:
1) Drawings of willys.
2) Men with peculiarly luscious eye-lashes.
3) Breaking the fourth wall.

This is not going to be easy.

First off, drawing willys is weirdly commonplace, isn't it? Like that kid in Superbad, we seem obsessed with drawnig cocks on everything. Even as adults (kinda) Last year, I drew a massive chode in ketchup on our neighbours' window. Should I admit that? Ah, come get me bitches. I got more firepower than Alan Sugar.

Which doesn't really link me to gentlemen whose 'lashes are of the luscious persuasion, but I don't care. Being dense, I don't really notice much about other people's appearance. I can just about spot a new haircut (if it's a different colour), but eyelashes? That's ludicrous. But is it? Because I really notice when women wear fake 'lashes. I notice, then I run screaming. Whoever conjured up this beauty myth needs to stop, because they're making women scarier than they were already. Yeah, I should mention that women intimidate the fuck out of me. I'm man enough to admit that I'm pretty shit at being a man. Ah, there goes my PG-13 rating.

So ... The fourth wall's a bastard when you're writing. There it goes just now. That's okay, because this is my blog and my blogging style is informal. But, dear God, let just one of those like you dos or you knows into a prose piece and you've opened up a whole world of pain. It's all about this thing called point of view, which writers really, really have to get in order if they're going to be any good. Actually, I think I should do a whole article that calls out writers for being shitty with point of view. Yeah, that'll be fun to do later.

That's it for now,
Nick